Loyalty & Off the Grid

Many of us think Loyalty is a value that is important in life – especially for love, marriage, and all sort of relationship. Loyalty is something that grows within a relationship. Loyalty is a choice made by a person, consciously. This is true to love & marriage relationship, also just as much as it is true to branding & organization.

Loyalty is normally built from having a constant mutual benefits from something. Read the word; constant. A brand that has a good customer service, great quality of product usually has loyal followers. Just as much as a relationship where two people choose to nourish the relationship with constant attention and affection.

The extreme opposite of Loyalty, is betrayal. A consumer expected a certain level of care & attention from a brand when the product appears to be defective, where the customer service somehow did not meet their expectation, felt betrayed especially if it is a brand the consumer has supported for awhile. The same goes to two people in a relationship, that is when cheating comes into play.

Now to build my case and because I like the topic on ‘people’, let’s look into relationship. When we talk about loyalty in a relationship, it normally correlates to being off the grid. Off the grid, physically or emotionally. If you read the word constant just now, it is what affects the choice of a person to stay loyal or otherwise.

My question to Loyalty is; what factors actually affects a person to stay loyal, and what causes them to choose to be otherwise?

Now let’s put it into context, especially to fit the idea of this century where a lady and a gentleman both has a goal to pursue (most of the time career related). Say a couple who are living together named Kara & Hanson. Kara has a professional career which requires her to be outstation every 2 weeks in an isolated area, which means away from home while the other 2 weeks free from work and earns at least $9000 monthly. Hanson too has a professional career where it follows office hours 9-5, Mon-Fri and is seasonally time consuming which means working extra hours for own initiative of excellence in deliveries and he earns roughly $8000.

Unconventional relationship would be the new norm to our current generation. However the other question is, are the mindset of the people in our generation ready for unconventional relationship like this? Does it affect the loyalty aspect of it? Do gender play role in this? If we were to switch the person’s gender with the career requirement mentioned, would it give a different result to the relationship? If Hanson was in Kara’s role & vice versa, does loyalty be at the verge of jeopardy or it will be stronger instead?

Now, Kara being Off The Grid physically every 2 weeks, for loyalty to take the driver seat, both Kara & Hanson have to be constantly nurturing each other through the only mode they have, via technology. When Kara is back for 2 weeks completely free from work, she has to be understanding enough that it could be the busy season for Hanson.

How does Loyalty take driver’s seat? It goes that both of them have to compromise in terms of time & attention. Learn to understand the limitation is not them, it is the job or the circumstances they are in, which is temporary. They need to choose to focus on making it work. Instead of temporary or instant gratification outside of their relationship. Also knowing that they need to keep things alive, constantly even if it means they need to schedule a date together in a week or two, at least. Share the things they experience with each other on daily basis, instead of a colleague or someone outside. Keep their problems to be solved within their relationship, instead of dragging outsiders to help make the call – unless the third person is their relationship psychiatrist, no one should be influencing their decision making.

When one of the two choose to give up either one of the effort mentioned above, that’s when betrayal seeps in. Personally I feel the factor affecting it is definitely the circumstances they are presented with versus the personal choice. What do you think? Have you faced something similar? What did you do & what was the outcome?

Infinitely curious, IC.

Mutual Expectation

For my first curious post, I feel strongly impelled to talk about what I’m (and few of my other friends) facing. Mutual expectation, is it really mutual, or do you think our community still do have some unconscious bias in their mind? Or do you think it’s not all that and it’s purely individual? Now…

Do you believe that two people in a relationship (or which I take as life’s partnership), should have mutual expectation on each other? I want to be a bit more specific here; being understanding. In the current era, the case of both the lady and the gentleman working towards their own career goals/achievement is kind of a given. And when that happens, it is only natural that you expect the partner to be understanding when the grind gets tougher. In a sense that, there will be times where you won’t be able to be as attentive as you usually do.

So the question here is;

Is it okay for the partner to express if it gets beyond their limit? (To be fair, the limit is subjective from one person to another)

My take on this is that when you are in a relationship, you should be able to express how you feel (provided you do it respectfully – and what I meant by that is you let them know, in the most calm manner, solely on the intention to help them understand why & what you are facing), and you need to be mindful of your tone because it dictates if this is going to be a good discussion on finding the balance or ended up in an argument.

I personally have a believe that anything can be solved, as long as it is being lay on the table clearly, and both heads are on the page of wanting to resolve & work things out.

Other than that, do you agree with me if we put this as a mutual expectation, where if person A expect the partner to be understanding without actually expressing/communicating it to their partner about it, it is person A’s responsibility to return the favor if their partner reached to the same point. Example as such that person A is very busy & expect the partner not to bring it up and just be understanding about it. So when it is now the partner’s turn to be swamped with work, person A is expected to be as understanding as the partner did before.

Isn’t that what relationship is all about? Compromise, mutual understanding, making it work because both of you choose to.

Now my argument is this, what if person A does not return the favor when their partner’s busy period comes. What if it gets worse that person A choose to be in the “ignoring is bliss” mode without further explanation of what’s happening. How could you possibly deal with that? I’m very curious as to how you would work this out? If I have to suggest, based on what I would do about it (and have tried!), is to let person A to cool down & find a more calm period to bring this up for discussion. Let person A understands what situation you are in, and if required you can bring up the times where you have been understanding during person A occupied week.

I feel emotional maturity plays a big role here, you need both side to be emotionally matured. For any relationship to work out, honesty and respect take lead on this ship. Remember neither of us are a mind reader, so it helps to explain why and what you are facing. There is a quote I remember that fits well to this topic;

Those who matter, don’t mind and those who mind, don’t matter.

So, if it was to happen to you, how would you handle it….?

– IC

First & Foremost

February 13th, 2017 at approximately 11pm – the urge to create a site for me to think out loud, had been too strong that it brought me here, to create it (finally). This thought has been fidgeting on my mind far too often, that it keeps my brain on auto-pilot mode in thinking of a suitable name for this site. There were several pseudonyms popping up in my mind but I have come to realize “Infinitely Curious” is the right one. Why?

I believe that curiosity is the mother of all creativity, ideas, inventions. Curious in itself, is an attitude of an explorer, that keeps an explorer hungry for more adventure, to learn and to understand, then to apply it in life. I realized I like to think, to question almost everything on how and why. I read, I see, and I get inspired. Nope, it doesn’t stop there, it gets my mind to wander – what and how could it be applied in other areas. With this site, I will be able to share with you my thoughts around things, especially about people, culture, or simply put – – Life.

Join me to unveil & understand the journey of life, even the modern rule of it, with infinitely curious mode (remained & always) switched on…

 

Infinitely curious, IC