For my first curious post, I feel strongly impelled to talk about what I’m (and few of my other friends) facing. Mutual expectation, is it really mutual, or do you think our community still do have some unconscious bias in their mind? Or do you think it’s not all that and it’s purely individual? Now…
Do you believe that two people in a relationship (or which I take as life’s partnership), should have mutual expectation on each other? I want to be a bit more specific here; being understanding. In the current era, the case of both the lady and the gentleman working towards their own career goals/achievement is kind of a given. And when that happens, it is only natural that you expect the partner to be understanding when the grind gets tougher. In a sense that, there will be times where you won’t be able to be as attentive as you usually do.
So the question here is;
Is it okay for the partner to express if it gets beyond their limit? (To be fair, the limit is subjective from one person to another)
My take on this is that when you are in a relationship, you should be able to express how you feel (provided you do it respectfully – and what I meant by that is you let them know, in the most calm manner, solely on the intention to help them understand why & what you are facing), and you need to be mindful of your tone because it dictates if this is going to be a good discussion on finding the balance or ended up in an argument.
I personally have a believe that anything can be solved, as long as it is being lay on the table clearly, and both heads are on the page of wanting to resolve & work things out.
Other than that, do you agree with me if we put this as a mutual expectation, where if person A expect the partner to be understanding without actually expressing/communicating it to their partner about it, it is person A’s responsibility to return the favor if their partner reached to the same point. Example as such that person A is very busy & expect the partner not to bring it up and just be understanding about it. So when it is now the partner’s turn to be swamped with work, person A is expected to be as understanding as the partner did before.
Isn’t that what relationship is all about? Compromise, mutual understanding, making it work because both of you choose to.
Now my argument is this, what if person A does not return the favor when their partner’s busy period comes. What if it gets worse that person A choose to be in the “ignoring is bliss” mode without further explanation of what’s happening. How could you possibly deal with that? I’m very curious as to how you would work this out? If I have to suggest, based on what I would do about it (and have tried!), is to let person A to cool down & find a more calm period to bring this up for discussion. Let person A understands what situation you are in, and if required you can bring up the times where you have been understanding during person A occupied week.
I feel emotional maturity plays a big role here, you need both side to be emotionally matured. For any relationship to work out, honesty and respect take lead on this ship. Remember neither of us are a mind reader, so it helps to explain why and what you are facing. There is a quote I remember that fits well to this topic;
Those who matter, don’t mind and those who mind, don’t matter.
So, if it was to happen to you, how would you handle it….?